


Waking up in Vegas

by theunapologeticnarrative



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Las Vegas Wedding, Secret Marriage, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:38:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7347325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theunapologeticnarrative/pseuds/theunapologeticnarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't even ask her name when he awkwardly got onto one knee and suggested they'd spend the rest of their lives together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Marriage Breakdown

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked on tumblr by user sabby56 to write this Westallen AU where Iris and Barry are two broke college kids who wake up married in Vegas and stay married because divorcing the love of your life is sort of expensive.

The Vegas sun poured through the blinds and into a darkened motel room; its air heavy with the scent of liquor and lovemaking. A young woman slowly woke to the mistakes of last night, her bloodshot brown eyes peeking out from under a mop of wild dark hair. She stretched lazily as the sun warmed her soft brown skin, she rubbed at her heavy lids and fully took in what would be her final moments of peace before the half naked young man sitting, head in hands, at the top of her bed changed her life forever.

He had been awake for hours, debating with himself on how best to wake the beautiful, unsuspecting stranger that lay naked between his sheets to the irresponsible nightmare he had brought upon them both. In the end, the dreaded decision had been made for him and his world began to spin as she suddenly rolled out of bed.

Things went exactly as he imagined they would– _badly_.

She noticed him immediately and despite all that time he had to dress and formulate a plan of action, he was _still_ in his underwear and _still_ completely unprepared.

He told her not to scream and she of course screamed louder than he thought was humanly possible. And she kept screaming despite his constant attempt at an explanation, right up until he had become completely overcome with fear and gently tackled her naked form back onto the bed.

There he held his trembling hand over her lipstick smeared mouth and prayed things didn’t look as bad as they did.  

“Please.” He began pleading with her but her hands were everywhere, desperately fighting to get at his long, sickly looking face or the dark hair upon his aching head. His lips were moving but his words were gibberish to the both of them and so they continued to struggle for nearly a minute before something caught her eye and she froze.

It was the sunlight, glistening against the metal surface of a cheap gold ring on her finger.

Taking advantage of the momentary pause, the young man tried to catch his breath before once again attempting to explain himself, the situation and their mutual state of undress. Her attention and gaze, however, was on something else entirely.

There was no mistake about what it was – a wedding band. And there it was again, but this time on _his_ finger.

“Ta-da!” He uttered weakly before presenting his hand to her for closer inspection. The reveal was a lackluster affair devoid of the theater the phrase usually held and neither of them had the energy to appreciate his quip.

She blinked for a second then shook her head in disbelief at the two identical pieces of jewelry and what they signified. With her no longer struggling under him, the young man relaxed enough to help her sit up. He could see her naked chest rise and fall with each breath as she bravely held back any outburst of emotion until she heard more. She was, however, instantly surprised to see traces of dried tears on his face and braced herself for the worst.

There was no room for modesty, no place to hide for either of them.

“I haven’t checked, but I’m pretty sure there is a marriage certificate too.” His voice was unsteady, a series of shuddering breaths, but nevertheless the look in his eyes certain. She let an audible gasp escape her lips at hearing that weighty word – _marriage_. She now was struggling to remain calm, clasping both her hands over her mouth and violently shaking her head but utterly unable to refute anything he had just said.

The eyes looking back at her were guilt-filled and green.

“I’m sorry.” It was a genuine but wholly pointless apology.  

Her throat became like the driest of parchments and held no words. They sat face to face on the bed for a while, silent hostages, together unable to move, each resigning to their role of reluctant spectator to the other’s distress.

Finally, she managed one word.

_“How?”_

He had no explanation to offer and instead he angrily pointed at the empty bottles of Jack Daniels on the floor, his accusing finger finding blame there for the mess they were in. He then buried his head in a pillow that lay next to him and let out a loud, self-pitying groan.

“One night in Vegas,” He lamented muffling his frustrated cries as best he could. “Just a night with douchebags I don’t even like and I leave here someone’s husband!”

_Husband._

And it all came flooding back.

Those gentle green eyes and nerdy grin across the bar. The first drink, the next and the ten after that. The epic make out session and the delusional talk of soulmates that followed. The slurred sincere vows and exchange of rings in front of even more strangers. The unbelievable heat between them as they made love as newlyweds do.

And now, this.

The aftermath.

_Reality._

A naked pair of twenty two year olds howling at the world, furiously cursing their intoxicated moment of insanity, their irresponsibility and the plain injustice of it all.

They wept unashamedly, first separately and then together. With no place to go and so much to figure out, they decided to remain holed up in the motel room.

They hid from the world. In dire need of comfort and demanding it from the person sharing their shackles, the young man and woman finally fell into a long embrace.

Together, they had crawled back under the sheets, their tired minds and bodies needing a few more moments of rest before having to face the consequences of their unwise nuptials.

There they cried, not having the energy to do anything other. With no desire to pray or plan, they instead hoped to hug away their humiliation. Two distraught children, silently clinging onto each other for dear life. They took turns playing the caregiver, humming wordless promises of better days to soothe the others sobs. And yet despite the sincere hushing, the pressing of their faces together only added more tears to the wetness of their own cheeks.

She was the first to speak again. “My dad. Oh God, he’s really going to hate me.” She sobbed into his naked chest. It was there where she decided to bury a face stained with last night’s make up and deep shame.

“Me too.” He whispered back, the image of his surgeon father floating behind his teary eyes. Hearing his voice break, she wriggled up the bed, to face him and he felt instantly grateful for her kindness.

“I’m so sorry –” Their noses, red from crying, were almost touching and yet she was a stranger still.

“Iris.” She offered, having read his mind.

“Barry.” He smiled weakly, finally making his name known to her as he already had his soul.

“I’m sorry too Barry.” She whispered back before slowly letting her forehead rest against his. “You don’t deserve this.”

He relaxed against the softness of her skin, the warmth in her face and steady breath. There, feeling safe and strangely at ease, he found himself silently agreeing with her. He held her in his arms and breathed quietly. There was one more consequence of their actions he hadn’t considered until now.

He had squandered any opportunity he may have had at sincerely earning the love of the kind stranger before him.

And suddenly he was in mourning again, feeling in his bones the pain of a life not lived.

How were they supposed to deal with _this_? The loss of a lifetime, robbed from them by a piece of paper and a set of rings supposed to represent the opposite. He sighed then sobbed, realizing these few moments in this motel room may be all he was every going to get with the girl of his dream.

And he was right to worry because just an hour later, on the morning of their first day as newly weds Barry Allen and Iris West mutually decided to divorce. 

With nothing further to discuss after coming to that decision, they showered separately but dressed together. She helped him pack his things, erasing any trace of their presence in the room and coming through for him the way a partner in crime -  or perhaps a wife - would. He then called them a cab and they left for her hotel. He rushed to open doors for her, playing the part the piece of paper in his bag assigned for him almost as well as she had back in his room. Soon they were once more in a cab, leaving together with all her things with them, except for a short note she wrote for her family before heading to airport. 

Silent for the entire duration of the ride, the two college students tried to convince themselves they made the right call. After all, logic dictates that by divorcing they were sensibly setting free a stranger and not sending away a soulmate. 

Logic, however, did not explain their goodbye kiss that began all the way back in her hotel room and continued for sometime here in the car. It did not explain the desperate hand holding as they approached the airport or the way they both sincerely thanked their driver when he congratulated them on the nuptials they supposedly were so eager to annul.

And if it wasn’t logic, it must have been some other thing. A ridiculously miraculous thing which they feared could only be found in stories. 


	2. Contesting the grounds for divorce

“I just want to see her Cisco. Why is that so bad?”

Barry Allen found himself once again trying to explain things to his roommate, but upon hearing those words, Cisco Ramon nearly fell out of the chair he was sitting on.

Clear alarm showed on Cisco’s face as he spotted the ring Barry was toying with between his fingers, an outward expression of Barry’s deep desire to see the girl wearing its counterpart. The harmless piece of jewelry was enough to cause Cisco to immediately abandon his desk and with it the project on nanotechnology he had been working on for the past three hours. Instead, he stormed over to shake some sense into his supposed project partner, a boy currently lying on top of an unmade bed with a thoughtful expression on his face.

As soon as he sat up, Barry was met with the frustrated sight of his friend.

“I just want to se –”

He was stopped mid sentence this time.

“Because bro, you wanna do  _the total opposite of that_!” Cisco cried, his hands furiously running through long hair after releasing the tight grip they had on Barry’s shoulders. Barry sighed and rolled his eyes at Cisco’s dramatics.

“I’m just saying what if we talk? What’s the harm in that?” Barry asked defiantly staring at his friend until Cisco had no choice but take a step back. He took a second to calm down before proceeding with the crux of his _against_ argument.

“I’m just doing what you told me to do Barry! You were the one who said: ‘I screwed up, don’t let me screw up again Cisco’.”

Barry felt slight shame but not for dismissing the young man before him and his effort to help Barry. No, Barry felt shame for a different reason. His face reddened, unable to believe he had ever instructed Cisco to do something _so unbearably awful_ as to keep him from Iris West. 

He inwardly cursed his fearful past self. He wanted to desperately distance himself from the coward who sat with Cisco wailing like a child for hours about consequences, all of which now seemed ridiculous, when Barry now knew really ought have been gushing about his insane luck and thanking the universe for sending him into the arms of the most perfect girl he would ever meet.

Barry could tell by his friend’s groans that Cisco was running out of patience for what he probably perceived as the indecisive whining of an unreasonable child. But Barry was no longer being indecisive. Quite the opposite actually. His mind was finally made up for him, for Iris was all he thought of day in and day out. 

She was on his mind, ever since they parted for reasons he no longer cared to try and remember. Reasons his friend insisted on digging up.

“The plan is you keep away from her for _x_ number of months so that you can have that cheap, quick totally un-messy divorce on the grounds of separation or whatever. Remember?”  Cisco continued with an unyielding stare, drilling it into Barry once more that this was Barry’s will he was trying to enforce. “Geez, what was the point of all those hours on yahoo answers researching this if you’re not gonna stick with the freaking plan?”

Barry shook his head, utterly unconvinced. “But what if _this_ was The Plan?” He posed the question to his friend who let out a hysteric laugh at Barry’s seriousness.

“We’re scientists man, we don’t believe in whatever dumbass things you’re about to say in support of your alcohol fueled moment of madness!” Cisco snapped his fingers in front of Barry’s face, trying to wipe the dopey smile off of it.

But it was impossible, whenever Barry thought of her eyes he was lost again.

“This girl, man. _This girl_.” Barry sighed. His expression was eerily serene, his voice filled with unbearable cheer. “Science cannot begin to explain what she did to me.”

Cisco stopped his clicking to hold both his hands out in front of him and cringe at Barry’s words. “Oh ho! TMI bro!”

Realizing what Cisco was implying, Barry snapped out of his Iris West filled thoughts and rose from his bed with a look of disgust of his own.

“Not _that_ Cisco.” He replied, chastising his friend for reducing what happened in Vegas to just the base desires of two college kids who didn’t know any better.

Sure there was sex, _life altering sex_ Barry had to cross his legs every time he thought about. But it wasn’t just the warmth of her lips on his body that led to Barry speaking in this way. It was much _much_ more.

Nonetheless, recalling his time with Iris, Barry fired a wicked wink at Cisco. 

“Well not _just_ that.” He smirked, pleased with his comeback and feeling immense need to brag about Iris rocking his world in more just one sense. 

Realizing Barry was still not taking him seriously, Cisco resumed his favorite past time of dramatically pacing the small length of the room they shared. Barry suddenly regretted his comment.

“It’s more than just sex Cisco.” Barry continued, his neck straining to keep up with his pacing friend. “She was _beautiful_.”

“So what.” Cisco barked. “Wanna propose to every gorgeous passerby too?”

Afraid he was getting caught up on the superficial, physical descriptors of the woman he wed, Barry tried something else. “And smart.” He added recalling Iris’s incredible wit and ability to make him laugh.

“We’re at M.I.T.” Cisco retorted, completely unimpressed. 

Barry was beginning to feel frustrated with his own inadequate word choices. Iris was _more_ than beautiful, she was _definitely more_ than smart and yet it was all he had to say right now.

 “And warm.” He added in a low unsatisfied whisper, knowing not one word in the English language could begin describing the gentle way Iris West spoke their wedding vows, making him promise to do good not in only their marriage but in his role as a human being on this planet.

“So is a pie Jason Biggs.” Cisco replied crassly causing Barry’s jaw to drop.

“Dude!” He yelled angrily, completely outraged by Cisco’s uncalled for comment. With a furious glower on his face, Barry waited for an apology.

But Cisco refused to back down, snapping back at him. “No _you_ dude.”

He was once more in Barry’s face, frowning. 

Barry let him have the stage, in no mood to fight his friend.

“You clearly haven’t recovered from whatever it is you decided to smoke on your _brotastic_ weekend away, which I wasn’t invited to.” Cisco rationalized desperate to find blame somewhere. “Because had I been there, I would have _definitely_ not let this have happened to your ass Romeo.”

Barry shrugged, silently glad Cisco wasn’t there with him on his weekend away with his track team members. Had he not hated every one of those guys, Barry Allen would never have met Iris West; sitting at the bar wearing a gorgeous red dress, a silly plastic party tiara and a miserable frown. He would never have asked her if she believed in concepts of ‘ _soul hates_ ’, the only phrase he could have used to describe how much he disliked these people he came to Vegas with and she wouldn’t have replied with the first of her many magical laughs.

It was Cisco who was laughing now, but it was of the bitter variety.

“But I guess if you’re gonna go to Vegas with those assho-“

“Cisco, please.” Barry sighed, he had done enough penance for his crime of socializing with jerks.

“Fine man.” Cisco agreed before muttering under his breath “One could say you deserve this crap for ditching our annual re-watch of _The Warriors_ for some ridiculous running and throwing party.”

“Track and field.” Barry lazily corrected.

“ _Running and throwing_.” Cisco hissed back, he insisted on his pettiness so Barry held his hand up and surrendered, allowing his friend to continue his rant.  

“But I’mma rise above it” His friend sang, “and _still_ help your ungrateful ass not throw your life away. Cos that’s what you’ll be doing Barry.”

His tone was deadly serious now.

“You are not gonna happily stay married to a girl you barely know who lives in city miles away. It’s just not happening bro, so there is no point in reading any more into whatever you think you feel for her.”

Cisco’s words, despite being heavy on the no’s, contained no wisdom Barry cared for. They were as senseless as Barry’s were when he first spoke of his marriage to Iris like it was a mistake. That was the only mistake Barry was willing to admit now, his initial reaction. 

He knew that now – in fact he was certain he knew it back then too.

He couldn’t justifiably stay angry at his friend for trying to protect him or for having this opinion about a girl he never met. Yet the fact remains simple, Barry didn’t need Cisco’s help. The Barry who returned from Vegas needed help because he lacked courage. The courage to realize it wasn’t because of alcohol or by accident that a guy as cautious and anxious as him proposed to Iris, it was because for the first time since his birth he felt utterly relaxed and certain of something. He wasn’t afraid when he spoke to Iris, he was every bit as dashing and confident as he longed to be his entire life.

His instant connection to Iris West couldn’t be a mistake and his decision to embrace it was the easiest choice Barry Allen had ever made. Barry knew now his heart had been in the driving seat that night, where it had always belonged and his constantly uncertain mind suddenly at peace.

The familiar fear and doubt flooded in later, waking up Barry the next morning to the possibility that he was on his own in his feelings. It was like a poison in his soul, question his resolve and terrifying him into believing he would be left with no means to explain any of that magic between him and Iris to the people he loved.

Yet now as Cisco berated him for his bad judgement Barry simply laughed. He no longer feared how much worse the lecture was going to be from his father, Dr. Henry Allen, a man of science and a cynical survivor of divorce.

No, the only thing Barry feared now was a bleak life without Iris and her light.

It took a little time, but he had successful pushed away all memories of false fear, choosing instead to fill his thoughts with more honest memories. Memories such as Iris’s every smile, effortless and infectious or the incredible skill she had of making her every story she told as glamorous or as goofy as she was. 

“And that’s why you know I’m right.” Cisco finished, not realizing Barry hadn’t heard a word of what he said for some time now. Barry rolled his eyes, he was certain his friend covered the _‘marriage is a burden’_ basics; dollars, distance, and disgruntled dads.

“Besides,” He added and to Barry’s surprise still not done, “adultery is plenty grounds for divorce.”

Barry chuckled at the ridiculous remark before finally slipping his wedding band back onto his finger. He hadn’t worn it since he got off the plane at Logan airport, trembling hands shoving it into his jean pocket as he traveled back to campus. It was of very little worth, with Barry and Iris putting together roughly a hundred and sixty bucks to purchase a set from the all-night chapel they were wed at. A simple ring, that weighed him down every day he kept it close and on his body somewhere, yet never wearing it as it was meant to be.

Barry was relieved to finally put it back in its rightful place, feeling a rush of confidence and grinning at Cisco’s horrified expression.

“Ta-dah.” He whispered with satisfaction. “I’m a kept man.”

“Duude no.” Cisco exclaimed softly in response to Barry’s actions. He then paused before gasping loudly at the implication of the ring on his friend’s finger. “Wait - you haven’t…really?” Cisco made quick semi-crude yet wholly childish gesture with his fingers. “Like with anyone?”

Barry shook his head to the cartoonish sound effects that Cisco made and indeed confirming his faithfulness to a young woman living states away. “Not even kissed or so much looked at anyone else, not since that night anyway.”

“What are you a monk now? That was weeks ago!” Cisco yelled at the ridiculous notion of Barry’s celibacy, he was pacing again only stopping to every now and then to gasp at Barry’s words.

“I made vows.” Barry insisted feeling equally surprised at Cisco’s sudden insistence on re-imagining him as some sort of great Lothario uncharacteristically reformed by love. This ring on his finger really didn’t need to tell Barry who his heart belonged to.  

“You made vows which you immediately regretted afterwards! Besides,” Cisco stopped to face Barry with a grim look on his face, “what makes you think she is sticking to hers?”

Barry felt his heart sink, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t considered that fact. Yet he did not want to hear it out loud, not whilst he was celebrating having sorted out his own feelings. But Barry was admittedly aware that despite being certain in his devotion to everything ‘Iris West’, the plans he made for their future were currently very much one sided. 

Barry breathed heavily, slightly angry at himself for failing to consider Iris’s position properly. What if he had lost her with his initial reaction at the motel room? Or worse, what if he never had her to begin with? 

Determined not to let the anxious whispers of doubt settle in his soul, Barry focused on the facts before him. When it came to his marriage to Iris, there were so many things to consider and the only realistic way to do so was together. After a brief moment of fear, Barry was once more determined to fulfill his desire of seeing Iris for himself. 

Cisco, however, took the silence to mean victory. “See,” He smiled “we just found the root of the problem. We need to get you laid and over it.”

It was Barry’s turn to get frustrated with his friend, he jumped off the bed and walked across the room before speaking at a safe distance away from Cisco and his preposterous proposition.

“For the last time, I am not going out with Patty freaking Spivot!” Barry shouted, he was truly getting sick of everyone’s insistence that he should give the girl a chance, just because she was in nearly all of his classes.

“She’s a cutie.” Cisco shrugged a non-committal shrug in response to Barry’s furious glower, reminding Barry he didn’t particularly care for or dislike the idea of Patty and Barry dating.  

“She’s not Iris!” Barry cried first loudly and then added angrily. “Patty and I may share classes, a school, hell even interests but we are strangers.”

“There is no connection, not like with Iris.” A helpless look spread across his face as he thought of the easy way Iris’s hand fit into his the first of the many times she leaned in to kiss him.

_“Who sent you to me? Huh?”_ She was once more whispering in his ear, _“because I kinda wanna kiss them too”._

Cisco met Barry in the center of the room, his finger less than gently poked at Barry’s chest in an attempt to get him to snap back to reality.

“Boy, what did I say about saying her name with ‘heart eyes emoticon’ face?”

“Iris.” Barry repeated defiantly before hissing in pain and rubbing his shoulder where Cisco punched him immediately for his disobedience.

Head held high and undeterred, Barry walked back to his bed and took a seat. His friend may be relentless but apparently so was he when it came to Iris West.

“I’m not saying marry Patty.” Cisco insisted, finally taking gentler approach and a seat next to his friend.

He spoke in a serious and low voice.

“I’m just saying _the Flash_ has options if he wants them.” Cisco ignored the way Barry cringed at the use of the stupid nickname he gave him and continued. “You are young, you made a mistake and that’s fine. But just need some confidence now. You have brains and them _damn yummy abs_  from that otherwise ridiculous running and throwing gig Barry. So tell me again, why are we so hung up on this one girl?”

“I’m not asking you for permission Cisco.” Barry said in a matter of fact way, getting really tired of having to convince his friend.

“I know.” Cisco accepted not offended at his friend’s words, his dark brows nonetheless were knitted together with genuine concern. “You’re a big man, but you also have a big heart. I just don’t wanna see it broken bro.”

Barry placed an appreciative hand onto his friend’s shoulder and nodded “I know you’re just looking out for me man. And I am sorry you know - for driving you crazy with this - but not for marrying Iris.”

Cisco let out a tired sigh of relief, grateful Barry was openly acknowledging the fact he never intended on playing the villain.  “If she’s as smart and beautiful as you say. Which she undoubtedly must be. She’s probably also is a person who has her own plans. Real, complicated plans that may not involve you.” Cisco finished, the regret in his voice so obvious with no indication of enjoyment in dishing out what could only be considered by him as painful truths.

Cisco continued to make his final point through gritted teeth.

“Barry,” He whispered, shifting uncomfortably in his seat  “Iris might not want what you want.”

There was an awkward silence between them for a moment before Barry finally spoke.

“So you agree then, there is only one way to find out for sure.” Barry asked an excited smile slowly forming on his face as he stared at a surprised looking Cisco. 

“You’re _actually_  saying you see now why I have to talk to her. _Soon_. Right?”

Glad to not be the one to have burst his friend’s bubble, Cisco chuckled. “You’re _really_ not dropping this are you?”  He asked once more to check if his statement really did nothing to discourage his friend.

Barry shook his head adamantly. “I love her man,” He said the words so casually, once again surprising his friend. “It isn’t even insane. It just is.”

After a moment of contemplation Cisco finally relented.

“Fine. Go see her.” He said, this time with an encouraging yet exhausted smile on his face. “I did my duty, so now go. Go be happy in matrimony my son.”

Barry let out a triumphant yell as Cisco playfully blessed his marriage to Iris with a cross. Overjoyed, Barry planted a huge kiss on his unsuspecting friend’s cheek before sprinting from the bed to the desk to start planning his journey to his bride. Cisco was left on the bed, mockingly wiping at his cheek whilst cackling at his friend’s overeager response.

“Just make sure you let me be your best man next time. Do you have any idea how insulting it was not being invited to that as well a trip to Vegas?”

Barry laughed at the remark and responded to it without looking away from the screen listing all the flights going out later this day. 

“There won’t be a next time Cisco” He promised glancing at the ring on his finger for a moment . “She’s the one.” Barry whispered quietly as he purchased his plane ticket. And with a click he embraced becoming something never in a million years thought he’d ever be - the dashing protagonist in an epic romantic drama. 

_Now_ , Barry nervously thought, _all I have to do is convince Iris of the same._


	3. A Separation Agreement

“So Barry Allen huh? Your husband, Mr. Bartholomew Henry Allen.”

Iris West cringed at the casual way her best friend Linda Park said the word _husband_. It was as if she didn’t get stupid drunk and marry a complete stranger on her cousin’s birthday weekend in Vegas. The word rolled off her friend’s tongue like there was an honest to God wedding and she had been invited to celebrate the joyous occasion with the rest of the West clan, instead of hearing about the ridiculous news over Skype the day after. Iris’s face burned at the memory of slamming her laptop shut mid video call when her father rang wondering why she had avoided her entire family that weekend and every weekend since.  But how could Iris even begin to explain to him the events of _that weekend_? The surreal way she dramatically sprinted down the hotel hallway past him; hand in hand with a strange boy, wearing a hat and oversize sunglasses, deliberately dodging the man that raised her like she was some sort of Hollywood starlet trying to protect her secret lover from the parasitic paparazzi.

And all for what? So she could end up saying a painful goodbye to Barry Allen, _her husband_ , clinging so desperately to his lips for one last time before rushing straight back to her Columbia University dorm room where she could deny any of it had even happened in the first place.

“By the way, do you legally have his last name now? Your husband’s?”

“Don’t call him that Linda.” Iris groaned, she found herself walking a little faster with a growing desire to just get back to under her covers after a two hour lecture on fact checking in journalism she had missed every word of thanks to this new drama in her life.

“What?” Linda replied with a rebellious grin on her face. Iris hated how petty the petite girl next to her could be and how much she was clearly enjoying this mess.

“You know  _what_.” Iris snapped stopping at her door to shoot Linda an angry glare. The firm look on her face was supposed to remind Linda of how serious the situation was but what Iris received back were dark blinking eyes feigning ignorance. “Just don’t. Please.” She then whispered, feeling truly pathetic and at her friend’s mercy. It was the mortified look on Iris’s face that finally shamed Linda into backing off and regretting how far she had gone in teasing Iris.  

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” She quickly apologized but Iris knew her well enough to be skeptical of any look of remorse behind those bangs. Iris knew deep down Linda just didn’t think what had happened to her was that huge of a deal. To Linda, it was just a wildly funny story, something that could easily have transpired between her and any number of the cute girls she danced with whilst trying to  _‘live life to the fullest’_.  In fact, that’s exactly how she and Iris became friends, having met freshman year at a social Iris forced herself to go to but ultimately did not regret. For despite the hard time she was getting from Linda now, Iris valued their friendship - which is why she hadn’t punched her in the mouth.

_Not yet anyway_.

“Good.” Iris replied letting them both into her room. She reluctantly accepted the apology, even going as far as to thank her friend with a soft smile. Linda Park beamed back, flashing that charming smile of hers and Iris found herself genuinely letting go of her anger.

She had more important things to worry about. No matter how her friend joked, this marriage still posed a threat to everything Iris held dear in her life. It was something Iris couldn’t explain to anyone other than the sometimes annoying yet completely non-judgmental Linda Park. Not to the rest of her wide circle of friends or the friendly peers sitting in her classes. Not to the professors marking her assignments or the employees at any of the part-time jobs she diligently worked just to eat something other than ramen at the end of the day.

More importantly, she could definitely not tell her father, Joseph West, the humble music teacher slash prone to over react widower and single dad. He was currently blissfully unaware of what happened in Sin City and therefore currently still proud of his overachieving daughter who was driving herself crazy just trying to make sure things stayed that way.

Nervously, Iris pulled out her phone to check it. The red light in the top corner flashed predictably.

_Dad._

Three missed calls since this morning, Iris groaned inwardly as she typed a quick text apologizing for missing calls she on purposely ignored.   _Call you later daddy,_ she promised ending the message with her usual grinning emoticon and one too many kisses. 

Except Iris would not call him later. Instead she would send another message to try stave off the man that raised her – a regular Dick Tracy, insisted on hounding her day in and day out, his eerie intuition indicating to him something was wrong. Mercifully, he did not have enough to build a case on just yet allowing Iris some time to figure this mess out. Thanking God and the miles between her and father, Iris reminded herself of what she and Barry had agreed upon before returning to their respective lives.

_Just a couple more months of sticking to the plan. Distance then divorce. Distance then divorce._

It really was the smart thing to do and up until that monumental lapse of judgement, Iris West had always been a smart girl. 

“What’s wrong?” Linda whispered noticing the visible look of pain on Iris’s face, they stood in the middle of the room for a second until Iris shook her head.

“Nothing,” she said yet rubbing her chest as they sat down on her bed. “Heartburn, indigestion or something.”

Linda shrugged before moving to take her MacBook out of her bag and placing it on her lap. For a moment Iris felt relieved that at least one of them was satisfied with her incorrect diagnosis. It was a funny sensation, now a regular occurrence since she left Vegas. Her heart was being plagued by painful uneasiness every time she thought about  _the plan_ and Iris just couldn’t work out why. Perhaps she wasn’t so smart after all, she thought grimly.

Her moment of reflection didn’t last long and Iris began to notice how uncharacteristically quiet Linda Park had been for the last few minutes.

“Uhm Linda…what are you doing?” Iris asked, slowly raising a suspicious eyebrow at her friend’s computer activity.

Linda’s replied with one word before continuing to furiously type away at her keyboard

“Snooping.”

Iris didn’t need to ask who the target of her investigation was, but Linda offered an answer regardless.

“Let’s see _exactly_ who this Barry Allen is.”

“You don’t need to!” Iris shouted trying to make a grab for the machine but being effectively blocked by a slim yet surprisingly strong arm.

“Uh yes I do, especially when you won’t let me meet him.” Linda argued back making it clear to Iris she had respected her boundaries for long enough.

“He doesn’t even live here! Oh come on, please Linda,” Iris pleaded with her friend. Her heart may have become a perplexing passenger inside her chest, but Iris was sure of at least one thing – seeing Barry Allen’s face, even for just a second and even just as image on a screen was not a good idea.

Something so seemingly harmless would set her back weeks in terms of the progress she made.

_Weeks worth of weeping, writing, deleting and rewriting text messages to a number she wasn’t even sure worked._

Iris’s heart began beating rapidly at the thought of starting the anxiety cycle up again _._

_Her fingers hovering over the word send but never quite managing to press down on it._

Linda was effortlessly typing Barry’s details into her browser, the adamant expression on her face making it pretty clear there was nothing Iris could do about it. Suddenly, the odd chill Iris felt as she and Barry parted at the airport gripped her body once more, her every cell shivering.

_There it was again,_ that tremendous need for something Iris wasn’t ready to admit she wanted. Instead she worked hard to shove the thoughts out of her mind by reminding herself of Barry’s needs.

_Distance then divorce._

Or were they her needs?

Iris couldn’t even remember who suggested the plan. All she knew was there is a plan and it was in place to fix things.

She couldn’t let Linda Park’s nosiness ruin it.

“He aske– I need to leave him alone Linda! We both decided on this plan and now we  _have to_  stick to it.”

Linda scoffed at Iris, shoving the machine they fought over aside for a moment. “See, you’ve been saying that but what does it even mean?” She had an indignant look on her face, frustrated with Iris’s constant deflection.

“Life is plan _less_. It happens to people! This  _happened._  To  _you_! So aren’t you the least bit curious why?”

Iris lowered her head, avoiding the intense questioning stare of her friend “Oh I know _why_ and I tell you what. Girl I’ma never drink again!” She chuckled unconvincingly trying to ease the tension and change the subject.

But Linda wasn’t so easily distracted. “Alcohol is just a truth elixir.” She spoke in a matter of fact way Iris couldn’t argue with. “If I wasn’t shitfaced I would never have applied for this course. Let’s face it, Alex Morgan I ain’t.”

Iris shook her head, hating how Linda continued to put herself down and knowing despite the jokes, those professional soccer ambitions would always continue being a painful topic. “How do you know, you could have been. Honestly there are so many reasons it didn’t happen but lack of skill? Hell no.”

“Eh, I think I’ll stick to dream of dating the US soccer team instead.” Linda said, sensing Iris’s sympathy and desire to dwell on this instead of talking about Barry.  “So whilst we’re on the topic of thirst, what was it that made you go ‘ _Holy shit, this is best I ever had! I’m totally gonna wed this dick!’_ ”

Blushing at those motel room memories, Iris awkwardly responded “Actually we got married and _then_  had sex.”

Linda rolled her eyes at the pointless correction. “My bad, I forgot you are above sin St. Iris.”

“Hey!” Iris exclaimed, feeling genuinely offended at that statement. “You know that’s not true. I’ve had flings.”

“You’re just bitter that you failed _spectacularly_ in your attempt to charm me out of my pants.” Iris scoffed nervously, praying she did enough to provoke Linda into finally changing subjects.

Linda Park however waved her hand casually, dismissing Iris’s comment. She was completely unaffected by all overstatements regarding her short, initial attraction to her best friend and wished to return to the only topic of significance.

“Yeah you had flings, some more questionable than others, but you wanted to marry this one. And that, _Mrs. West-Allen_ , is my very point! What was the reason?”

Linda waited for an answer, her eyes showing a sincere wish to understand Iris, the series of events and emotions that led this seemingly sensible girl to take such wildly impulsive and romantic action.

But Iris had no explanation, or more accurately, she just wasn’t willing to share one. So Linda resigned herself to doing as she had planned on doing all along, finding her own answers. Once again, she reached for her MacBook, this time unobstructed in her efforts to put her college education to good use.

Iris silently watched her friend type Barry’s name into _Facebook_ , her mind busy considering the question posed to her seconds ago.

When Linda finally spoke again she had a triumphant grin on her face.

“Excellent! He accepted my friend request.”

“I added him last night.” Linda answered, interrupting Iris who was about to just ask that question. Iris was wholly unimpressed, she really should have expected this level of less-than-subtle, definitely-not-Pulitzer-material investigation from her friend.

With Barry’s face on the screen, the squabbling ceased and both girls were now totally engrossed in examining the profile before them.  

“Okay you’re cute, but why exactly did Iris marry you huh?” Linda whispered out loud, scanning the page with a frown on her face, “is it because you are… Whoa! Studying Physics at M.I.T?”

Iris looked over at her friend to see the words _‘Not bad’_ written all over her face and Iris beamed with immense pride as if Barry Allen’s achievements somehow were her own.

Linda’s face changed as she took in the rest of the profile.

“Enjoys…what the fuck is that…M..M…ORPG?”

“Massive multiplayer online role playing games.”  

The smile faded and Linda shook her head in shock, completely uncomfortable with Iris’s instantaneous and seemingly expert reply.

“Seriously? That can’t be it!” Linda shrieked. “Like computerized wizards and trolls and shit?”

Iris was overcome by an inexplicable need to fiercely defend Barry and his hobbies but suddenly thought better of it.  “He was nice Linda. Okay?” She snapped back a little more aggressively than she had intended but deep down livid anyone dared to mock anything Barry Allen – _and now somehow by extension Iris_ – cared about.

“That was _it_. He was really fucking nice.” It was a strange word choice, yet its simplicity somehow did Iris’s feelings justice.

“And warm. But also so cool.” She added, her brain trying to desperately reach for another perfect word but falling short at each attempt. Iris wasn’t exactly a poet, but she was much better than the average person at articulating her thoughts. But here she was, unable to summarize something she was supposed to have intimate knowledge of, something as personal as the way she felt.

_Must be another unexpected consequence of my night with Mr. Allen,_ Iris supposed. What else did his lips steal from her? Was it – judging by Linda’s expression – her sense of taste?

“It is actually a really interesting creative medium.” Iris said, not being able to say exactly why but knowing for a fact it was. After all, Barry thought it was and that apparently was now enough authority on any matter. Iris wanted to laugh at her ridiculousness, but then she remembered Barry’s face and she felt completely justified in her response.

“You should have seen how he talked about these things. Things that really excited him. He looked so sweet.” Iris whispered, reminiscing out loud about the glow on Barry’s handsome face as he freely babbled about topics supposed to be nonsensical to her and yet in that moment made more sense than anything else ever had in her entire life. Who cares if she never before heard of any of these games involving _wizards and trolls and shit_ as her friend so elegantly put it? Iris was now absolutely enchanted by them. Enough so to make herself a Sorcerers and Swords account two days after leaving Vegas; all in a sad bid to stay connected to at least some part of that beautiful nerd she found herself intensely attracted to.

She ignored her friend’s curious frown, clearly surprised by the thoughtful expression that had formed on Iris’s face. Was this the expression she wore as she hung onto Barry’s every word? Did he know how incredibly interesting he was to her? That with every word, he made her want to crawl into the space between, connect and see the world the way he saw it.

_“And that my dear, is how I ended up the lord of a virtual village full of tweens.” Barry laughed taking a sip of his bud. “And here’s to the feds never coming round to ask me that awful question!”_

Iris exploded into a fit of giggles and Linda’s eyes widened. “And oh my God was he funny.”

“Must have been one hell of a joke for you to say  _I do_.” Linda grumbled, looking more confused than ever at Iris’s erratic retelling of her relationship with the mysterious Barry Allen.  

Nonetheless, she was still curious and eager for her newly wedded friend to keep telling her story. “Sorry, continue.”

“He just instantly made sense to me.” Iris said quietly, her mouth hanging open as if on the verge of a confession.

“You mean love at first sight?” Linda asked, finally hearing something familiar to her.

“He was nice.” Iris repeated, that wistful look on her face slowly turning into one of sorrow.

Nice, warm and funny, the simple things that touched her heart and inspired her to kiss him all the way from the bar to the chapel and to that bed where they woke up changed. _Love at first sight_ , a phrase that signified lightening and helplessness just did not apply to her, for their first kiss held none of the firework and intensity that drowned people of their senses. In fact, no matter how intoxicated either of them were on the outside, Iris felt guided by a suddenly sober soul. Unburdened, their lips connected and the world became clear. Against a backdrop of loud noises and colors, Iris enjoyed that stillness, the act of Barry quietly holding her in his arms.

_She was safe._

_She was okay._

Confidence in that knowledge washed all over her, like her tired body soaking in the warm waters of a bath at the end of a hard day.

Iris remembered the tears of joy they both cried as they slipped on their rings. They were finally home and that feeling of ease was there, all night long. Up until the harsh light of day and it dawned to her that there was a world outside roaring for their return. Waking up from a dream, everything hazy, Iris was naked and afraid. All her honest sense became suddenly supressed by drink and dread. Her epiphany morphed into a mistake. She rushed to make her retractions in favor of a concept easier to define than love – responsibility.

She reacted as expected from a reasonable young woman such as herself, instantly on the defensive and regretting the only real thing she ever felt. All that backtracking, just for a world of worried whispers about getting back to her ‘real’ home, a place that couldn’t promise her a fraction of what Barry vowed he’d give her.

She missed him.

“Linda I’m in love with him.” The words finally escaped her lips and it caught both of them by surprise. Linda shifted uncomfortable on the bed, the seriousness of the situation finally sinking in.

“I can’t be.” Iris continued but then pausing after hearing herself. “I mean I  _shouldn’t_  be.” She corrected the inaccuracy in her speech, her voice betraying a real bitterness she felt at her circumstance. She loved Barry and still her feelings were being dictated by other factors. Fears.

“But I am.” Iris finished, slowly building up the confidence to approach her life with the journalistic objectivity it always needed.

“I don’t even  _think_  I am.  _I know I am_.”

Linda swallowed hard attempting to digest that heavy information. “Oh boy. That changes everything.”

Iris laughed sadly at Linda’s words and naivety. “It really doesn’t.” She answered her friend sadly. Iris may have had an experience that changed her, and maybe Barry did too but the world they lived in, however, most definitely did not change.

“My life is here. His is there.” Iris simply said.

By now Linda had tears in her eyes and a distraught look on her face. Iris’s face however remained unchanged – she had already cried all of hers  

“And in a couple of months, as soon as we get the money, I’m going to be a 22 years old with an ex-husband I’m probably going to never stop being in love with.” Iris found herself shrugging at the devastating reality of her life.

Linda had no words.

Not wanting to see her friend’s heart breaking in front of her, Iris walked across the room, decidedly moving on. There she unpacked her messenger bag and quietly went through her planner. She could feel Linda’s wet eyes on her back but she ignored them.

This was it.

_The Plan_ – His  & Hers – and it demanded Iris find some time to schedule a meeting with Professor Lane and get those notes on that lecture she should have been paying better attention to.

_“It’ll be okay Iris.” Barry promised, his green eyes smiling yet tearful. “Final semester hell will kick in and you’ll be married to your books instead!”_

“Iris.”

It was Linda, not the ghost of Barry, finally talking and cautiously approaching the busy figure of her friend.

Iris didn’t need to see Linda’s begging eyes to know she was about to protest the abrupt end to their conversation.

She dropped her planner to interrupt Linda. “Gonna hit the library so gonna need my book back?”

“S-sure, it’s in my bag – but Iris” Linda replied with a nervous stutter. She watched as Iris drop her own bag and rush past her to get to that suddenly so important textbook.

“Thanks L.” Iris said crouching down to pick up the brown satchel lying at the head of her bed.

There he was.

Barry.

His face enlarged on the abandoned MacBook, his smiling green eyes looking down at her, attempting to shatter her numb exterior with one sharp glance.  

Iris breathed heavily before hanging her head down and shutting her eyes.

“Please Linda…..I can’t look at him. I can’t.” she whispered her voice breaking whilst fighting to keep its resolve. “Please.” She repeated through gritted teeth; her fists were clenched, her face scrunched up in discomfort.

“Of course.” Linda said quietly and Iris could feel her move upon hearing those painful pleas, hastening across the room towards the source of Iris’s anguish. “If I had known how you felt…I wouldn’t have. God I am so sorry Iris.”

But Iris didn’t hear the machine slam shut telling her it was safe to open her eyes. Instead a loud shriek caused her to jolt her from her position. 

“No fucking way!” Linda was screaming, they were jubilant cheers that Iris couldn’t care any less about after the frightful sound of Linda’s initial shriek.

“Linda please – no more.” She simply whispered as she got up from the floor. But whatever it was, Linda Park demanded Iris West see it. Iris steadied the lightweight machine being waved in front of her like a million dollar check and attempted to make out the words on the screen.

“Do you see it?” Linda said her hands trembling, unable to contain her excitement. Her feet tapping restlessly, almost dancing on the spot as she waited for the frown on Iris’s face to slowly turn into a similar look of absolute shock.

Iris did see it.

There, on Barry’s profile. Right under life events – his relationship status had been updated.

_Married,_ it said in clear black letters.

Iris read the word over and over again in her mind, waiting for it to either magically disappear or suddenly make sense to her.  

But things were much clearer to Linda Park.

“Iris!” she screamed laughing gleefully and shaking her friend’s frozen form. “He doesn’t want this to be a secret! He loves you!”

Iris couldn’t let herself complete believe in Linda’s words, however, she wasn’t quite ready for another round of arguments just yet. 

“You sure because –”

Linda instantly snatched her laptop back and took to higher ground before stubbornly elaborating on her point for Iris’s sake. 

“People do not update their relationship status unless they’re goddamn serious Iris! You do it if you want friends, family and fuckers you barely know something and pay attention.” She yelled back aggressively. Standing tall on Iris’s bed, there Linda began reciting out loud further evidence of her theory.

“ _‘Whaaat Bear! Congrats I guess confused emoticon?’_ _‘Whoa since when? Is this a joke? Is Cisco screwing around with your account again?’ ‘Haha congratulations! How come I wasn’t invited?’ ‘Who’s the lucky lady and why have you been hiding her’_ ”

As Linda read on, Iris found herself pacing the room anxiously waiting for her friend to get to the only part she truly cared about. Barry’s response.

A million and one thoughts ran through Iris’s mind, a million and two emotions – not all of them unhappy but all of them unable to truly understand the meaning of Barry’s actions. Did he know what he was doing, or was he just as unsure as she was? Just as afraid.

“Oh shit bitch, there is even one from _his fucking father_! Henry Allen – ‘ _Call me back right now Barry.’_ ”

Iris instantly dropped to the floor. 

Face buried into her carpet she waited for Linda to continue unraveling her new reality. They were Henry Allen’s words said in Linda Park’s voice but all Iris could think of was her poor unsuspecting father and how deeply disappointed he was going to be when he found out how little Iris cared about his feelings in this moment.

_Barry’s response_ , it was the only thing that mattered right now.

Iris could hear Linda jump off the bed to come over towards the curled up cowardly ball on the floor that she had become. She was busy praying that Barry wasn’t as despicably weak as she was when she felt her friend’s comforting hand on her back.

“Stop crying.” Linda sighed, patting a wailing Iris. “This isn’t a bad thing.”

“What did he say?” Iris asked in a muffled voice, her face itchy with dust and tears. In response, Linda gently pulled on her arm, until Iris finally found the strength to peel herself off from the floor and face the world that finally stopped spinning out of control. She slowly dragged herself closer to her friend, who looked onto her face with such love and certainty.

Linda leaned in, she proceeded to brush the messy strands of hair out of Iris’s wet eyes before gently drying them with her own sleeve. _So this is why I’ve never punched you in the face_ , Iris thought, her friend’s warmth spread across her face as she finished fixing up Iris’s appearance with a kiss on her sticky, red cheek.

“Better.” Linda said with a satisfied smile on her face, before presenting Iris with the computer. “Now see for yourself girl.”

Iris apprehensively took hold of the machine that held the answers Linda deemed she was now ready to receive.

“Oh God.” Iris breathed before beginning to silently read to herself the long status update on Barry Allen’s page.

>  
> 
> _‘Thanks for the well wishes guys. This is not a drill or Cisco messing with y’all! A couple weeks ago something incredible happened to me and maybe this status is a bit premature but I am too damn happy about it not to share the news with everyone I know._
> 
> _I, Barry Allen, got freakin’ married! Yay! :D_
> 
> _Yeah this is unexpected and yeah maybe I am a jerk for ignoring you guys’ calls (sorry dad!) but I had a plane to NY to catch to see the love of my life._
> 
> _Argh! I’m probably going insane but hopefully everything will work itself out and I won’t be logging back on here after I land to tell you all ‘I’m getting divorced! Boo :’(_ _’_
> 
>  

“So yay or boo huh?” Linda chuckled once Iris finished reading and closed the MacBook. “He put it all out there for everyone to see! That TMI cheesy status incurring the wrath of his father – man does your husband have Ryan Gosling from  _the Notebook_ type balls!”

“He loves me.” Iris said and Linda nodded and whispered back the word ‘ _undoubtedly’_. They were both still on their knees, face to face, with only the thin silver MacBook between them. Linda looked at Iris’s uncertain eyes blinking back at her, she then slowly got up before pulling up her dumbfounded friend to stand with her. There was a clear question playing on both their minds now and naturally it was Linda who finally bit the bullet and said it out loud.

 “Speaking realistically though,” she began sounding unusually solemn. “Do you think we’ll have enough time to wash, straighten _and_ style your hair before he gets here? Also when was the last time you waxed?”


	4. 4. An invalid divorce petition

Barry Allen had it all planned out. He purchased his ticket, got himself to the airport and did the usual unpleasant back and forth with the grim TSA folk. He came well prepared in his best – no  _cleanest_  shirt – a dark blue one Cisco swore wouldn’t display any sweaty pit stains should Barry’s cowardice rear its ugly head once more. Yet despite his nerves, Barry felt strangely in control.

“Hey guess what? I’m a grown married man who no longer needs to hold his breath or close his eyes every time the plane hits the runway! Up top buddy!” Barry let out a jubilant laugh, elbowing his neighbor to join him in a celebratory high five.

“You sure are son. Good for you.” The man replied instead giving Barry what could only be described as a pity pat on the back out of pure confusion and awkwardness. It didn’t take Barry long to realize he was publicly embarrassing himself on a plane full of strangers. And again, none of that mattered for nothing could go wrong today.

The alignment of stars had very little to do with Barry’s confidence, instead it was his preparedness that pulled him through these last, few, vexing hours. Barry kept his talisman close, stuffed into his back packet and in the form of a scrunched-up piece of paper. Written onto it were spell-checked, rehearsed but nonetheless completely romantic words to undoubtedly sweep Iris off her feet. Deeply sincere words from the heart such as  _‘destiny’ ‘soulmate’_  and the classic ones like  _‘you complete me’_.

She’ll know how I feel and of course feel the same way, Barry thought and armed with a hopeful smile and an infinite amount of optimism he continued on his journey.

_Everything’s going to be okay._

_After all, as the paper says Barry, you’re just a boy, standing in front of girl, asking her to him._

But then he got to her dorm room, her door opened and not a thing in this universe could’ve prepared Barry for the brown eyes staring back at him. Eyes just as striking and scared as they were on that fated morning after. Without managing to mutter even a casual hello first, the hopeful smile he’d been wearing all day slipped off his face in a cowardly fashion akin to the way Barry slipped out of that small bed in Vegas. It was a memory branded onto the back of his skull, a memory he was being forced to finally confront now, here and on Iris’s doorstep.

No amount of romance or Cisco’s swanky aftershave left to mask the stench of shame now Allen.  

_You have no business being here._

There was a corner waiting for him back at M.I.T and just like the one back in Vegas, it beckoned Barry to come home and sit in it like the gutless fool he was. His mind, in full panic mode, was already there and right now it was just Barry’s stubborn body that refused to catch up and pathetically slink after it.

Except he couldn’t leave and he didn’t need that physics degree to understand why.

It was her.

Iris.

Standing right in front him.

The fear in her eyes unable to dampen that beacon she always seemed to emit to Barry. Her intense presence calling out to him, a blinding light in a vastly dark world, that would break for none. And once in her orbit, nothing in this universe could make Barry Allen change trajectory. 

By the grace of some force greater than he could even imagine, Iris West – hesitantly – moved aside to let him in and with his head no longer hanging in defeat, Barry entered her modest dorm room.

Once inside the room, Barry tried his best not to get distracted by how  _clean_ it was.

_Not a stray sock or family photo in sight._

Spotless. Almost clinical and wholly devoid of anything personal. Stark white walls, completely bare apart from a notice board covered in perfectly ordered yellow and pink post-its; the small desk in front of him uncluttered by books or papers, her study items stacked away on shelves or in drawers, and all of it shutting him out.

Barry turned back to face Iris and away from the strangely unsettling Spartan existence that couldn’t possibly have belonged to the girl in front of him, wearing a casual above-the-knee red summer dress covered in yellow and white flowers. Her body splashed with the warm colors of a Van Gogh painting begging to be hugged.

Barry knew that girl. The girl with wavy brown hair bouncing casually off her shoulders as she moved towards him.

He  _loved_  that girl.

“You can sit down. If you like?” She whispered before pointing an uncertain finger towards the coldest bed he’d ever seen and Barry thanked her anyway. He sat and waited for her to do the same.

She joined him in taking a seat and her dress rolled up slightly, exposing an inch more of soft brown skin, instantly warming up the bed and Barry’s cheeks with it.

“H-how have you been?” Barry said awkwardly after finally managing to clear his throat.

Iris did the same before responding. “Fine.”

“Good.” He said trying to smile whilst privately wondering if his face obeyed. Whatever hideous way his features contorted, it was too late to do anything about it now and Barry had no choice but to commit to the uneasy show of teeth.

 _So far so good,_ Barry thought grimly, unable to relax now he was so close yet so far from cementing for himself a future timeline that contained Iris.

“You?” She asked him politely, her glossy rouge tinted lips running into none of Barry’s problems with smiling.  

Disarmed by the perfect way her lips curved Barry paused for a second before offering her an echo of her answer to him. “Fine.”

“Good.”  Iris replied in a sincere tone Barry took as the sign he’d been waiting on.

Suddenly no longer satisfied with being an awkward parrot or engaging in excruciating small talk, Barry used the kindness contained in Iris’s smile as an opportunity to push forward with his agenda.

“No actually Iris, that’s lie.” He began, on the verge of confession. “I’ve been  _the opposite_  of fine.”

Before continuing Barry slid over towards the stranger before him –  _his wife_  – moving to close the gap between them on the bed until the sides of their legs touched. “I don’t know if you heard but I’m kinda going through a divorce.”

Her face was an inch from his now and he could feel her warm breath on his face as she whispered back the words “Well that sounds shit.”

“Yeah,” Barry replied chuckling. “It kinda is.”

She could still make him laugh, bring levity to any moment. With the tension somewhat eased by her efforts, Barry found himself able  to go on. Encouraged, he reached over, placing his hands on top of the smaller ones that fidgeted on her lap and tugged nervously at the cotton material of that red dress.

It was the first time they touched since they parted ways and it left Barry breathless for a moment. Did she feel it too, he wondered, the feeling of being hurdled through time and space? Did she make it through the ride? Was she there again? With him?

_“It’s not fair.” He whispered as he slowly let her go, her naked skin her own once again and his left to bear the brunt of the cold AC air. A questioning frown formed on her face, her chest heaving as she drank in the air he refused her with the intensity of his kisses._

_“What isn’t fair?”_

_“You.” He said, missing their connection, and counting the seconds until he could be inside her again. “How dare you feel this good.”_

_She was giggling but he was completely serious, the taste of her lips and liquor giving the term Dutch courage new meaning. “How am I supposed to get out of this and be just Barry when Mr. Iris West gets to feel this way?”_

_“Then don’t. Stay here, naked.” She said, her eyes glimmering and greedy. “And mine. Forever.”_

Back in Iris’s room, surrounded by stillness instead of sweat drenched sheets Barry sighed mournfully.

How far away were they? How far away were they from that memory – from ‘ _forever’_?

“This is hard.” He finally said, trying everything in his power not to break down in tears and break that steady gaze between them.

“It is.” Iris replied understanding exactly what Barry was unable to articulate out loud and staring back with eyes as watery as his.

“We had everything.” Barry began before correcting those presumptuous words. “Well I did. I had you.”

He took a breath for a moment, trying not to focus on the way her hands began to shift slightly at the key word. “And now…I’m here desperately wanting to know if that’s still the case.”

Iris did not respond instead just biting down on her bottom lip and Barry prayed it wasn’t to keep it from trembling as hard as his heart was.

“This is a lot shorter and less sweet than the partially plagiarized romantic prose I got in my back pocket.” He whispered, relying once again on the sense of humor that brought them together in the first place. “But I love you Iris.”

There was no stopping the tears now.

“And I need to know. I just need to know if –  _just if_. That’s all.”  

He was pleading with her, his voice shaking just as much as his head, warding off evil or in this case the answer any sane person would expect to hear. The plan wasn’t to show up out of the blue, then turn into a blubbering creep unable to take rejection, but that’s how it turned out and  Barry was now fully committed to it – begging for his life.

_How romantic._

His face was fully wet by the time Iris responded, yet Barry couldn’t move his hands to dry it.

 _If I let go, I lose,_ his gut told him and just a cruel second later Iris’s hands slowly began slipping out from under his until Barry was clinging to the air that surrounded her. She was crying and Barry wished the tears stinging at his own eyes would just go ahead and blind him.

When Iris finally spoke, her voice was much calmer than he had anticipated. “You let me get on a plane Barry.”

There it was, the crux of Barry Allen’s problem – the inability to time travel.

“I know.”

“You didn’t fight for us.” Iris continued and so did Barry’s admission of guilt.

“I should’ve.”

“You didn’t even call me. I waited. I  _actually_ waited.”

She sounded almost angry at him except Barry knew she wasn’t. He had disappointed her, it was written all over her face and it was something Barry couldn’t turn away from.

“I should’ve Iris,” he sobbed almost reaching for her hands again but thinking better of it at the last second. “I swear to you I know I should have.”

“But you didn’t Barry.”

 _And now you’re here,_  her accusing eyes told him before mercifully looking away. Her lips, however, being more accustomed to sympathetic smiles than cutting truths, refused to follow-through with such frankness.

“Please.” Barry said wordlessly, momentarily choking back his tears, his heart grateful to be spared the worst of what he thought he deserved from the wife he had abandoned. 

There was no subtle way to put it. 

He watched as her fingers now clenched in frustration, tugging at her dress more desperately whilst shedding those tears of hurt and humiliation yet somehow holding back the brunt of it just to spare him those feelings of betrayal. Barry cursed himself for ever making her feel undesired by him, unloved and unwanted.

_Nothing could be further from the truth Iris._

“I should’ve called.” He said, not knowing what else to do but keep admitting to the unforgivable mistakes he made.  

“But you didn’t.” She said under her breath before sighing and adding in a sorrowful whisper. “And neither did I.”

With one sad statement Iris West went there. It was brutal and brave and all of it for Barry’s sake.

“I just got on that plane.” She said twice as if to really take ownership of the blame. Sensing an onslaught of self-flagellation, Barry dried his tears and shook his head at the statement.

However, Iris said it a third time, and then a fourth; with her hand clasping over her mouth the final time as if she was going to be sick. Concerned, Barry watched as her bleary eyes widened at the sudden realization of what their decision had cost them.

“Oh God, how could I just do that?  _How?”_

“No,” Barry said finally placing his arms gently around his wife, steadying her. “That wasn’t your fault Iris.”

Determined to talk her off from the edge of that cliff of self-loathing he had taken a dive off just mere moments ago, Barry decided to remind her of the huge part he played in the biggest mistake of their life.

“But I got on!” She yelled at him in response, her panicked face telling him he couldn’t shield her from the blaring truth the same way she couldn’t him. “What does that say about me or how I feel about us?”

“Nothing that is your fault!” Barry said his once shaking voice now stubborn and strong enough to clash with her reasoning. “I didn’t stop you.”

Yet it wasn’t enough for him to win the blame game, her comeback argument every bit as unflinching and as sound as his. “Yeah but I got on Barry.  _I did_.”

“You had your reasons.” He replied mulishly trying to convince Iris that this was on him and not her by forcing her to examine and share with him what those reasons were.

The answer was simple.

“I was scared Barry.” She told him and Barry pulled her a little closer.

“I know.” He whispered against her cheek before confessing in a small voice. “I was too.”

She pulled free to face him with raised eyebrows, astounded by his words. “But you came here, wearing  _that_.”

Barry was surprised to hear the slight admiration in her voice as she finally addressed the elephant on his ring finger, a piece of jewelry so evidently missing from her own hand. She was staring at it like it were some sort of medal. And still feeling unsettled, Barry couldn’t help but wonder if she thought it was all in vain – a Purple Heart of sorts, acknowledging the bravery of the dead and buried.

Iris continued and Barry held his breath. “The problem is –”

_Please let us be more than just those memories._

“ – I still am.”

They sat for a moment, in silence, just letting the weight of their respective confessions settle in. There it was again, their old friend  _Uncertainty_ , with its unforgiving hands around their throats –  _just squeezing_.

“It’s just a lot to consider.” Iris finally said, ending the quiet with what Barry could only interpret as a sledgehammer to his hopes. Her eyes were uncomfortably fixated on the ring and all that it meant.

Finally, unable to take it anymore

“I suppose yours is somewhere in this mess?” Barry said ironically waving at the spotless room they sat in. Sensing slight judgement in his voice, a serious frown began to form on Iris’s face.

“I was trying to clean up.” She sighed defending herself.

Barry expected his cheeks to burn with shame at the sneering way the remark must have sounded, but all he felt was exhaustion creeping into his body. He was worn out, by his journey, by this conversation and by the way his life was turning out in general. Rubbing at his neck he decided to try his hand at an apology.

“It’s okay.” He began okay but quickly found himself unable to continue in that sincere tone. “I guess I wouldn’t trust me either. Perfect stranger, here in your room, snooping through all your stuff…”

“I said I was trying to clean okay? I’m not hiding anything.” Iris snapped back unimpressed with what Barry was implying.

“Of course you’re not. This is what an average dorm looks like.” Barry replied, this time sounding every bit as bitter as he felt, gaping in shock at the perfect way Iris West decided to shut him out. What else was he supposed to think? She knew where he stood and she was happy to let him stand there. Keeping her cards close to her chest.

“You didn’t have to come here Barry.” Iris said angrily, getting up from the bed – and away from him. Her usual sympathetic nature did not spare him. What exactly did he think she owed him, Iris’s eyes insisted.

_The truth._

“Actually I did Iris.” Barry retorted saying her name in a manner that felt foreign, one part resentment and one part regret, unsure how what started as a confession of love turned into an argument. He followed suit in standing, trying hard not to tower over her small form but being unable to take a step back. He never stopped being afraid of being without her.

“I needed to come here.” He said trying to start over, realizing that her vulnerability had thrown him and it was by acting out of fear and lashing out, that he would end up losing her.

“Why?” Iris demanded unable to back down, red faced and furious she continued yelling. “Because you didn’t think I was going to come for you?” Her eyes were once again watery and her voice shaking. “You think you’re the only person in love here?” She shouted, daring Barry to take back the unfair insinuation.

But unable tell him outright what she thoughtshe just told him, Barry fired back quietly. “I don’t know, am I?”

It was cruel and cowardly and somehow the truth. Barry didn’t know the answer and it was scaring him to death.  

“Well I’m not going to say it now.” Iris spat. “You’re not going to  _make_  me say it.”

Barry scoffed completely incredulous at Iris’s response. “Is that what you think I’m trying to do? Force this? Do you feel pressured somehow by ‘unwanted advances’?”

Iris responded with a sarcastic  _wow_  aimed to shame Barry for the ugliness of his words.

The situation had now devolved into an angry face off, each opponent standing in their respective corner – glaring down the other in what could only be described as a demented game of chicken. Sensing things were about to get out of hand, Barry backed down.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m really not trying to put words in your mouth. I just want to know what’s on your mind.” Barry promised, his hands held up and angry look disarmed. “Honestly, that’s all. Your choice what you tell me, but you gotta tell me  _something_.”

Iris hesitated for a moment before leaning her head against the wall behind her and letting out a frustrated sigh “ _God we’re_ _such idiots_.” She muttered

Barry took the admonishment with a small smile.

“In no way wasting that expensive college education our parents are paying for.”

It was a light-hearted quip but the mere mention of parents suddenly reignited the tension that they’d worked so hard to defuse. She spun around to face him once more and Barry had to only take one glance at the look of anguish on Iris’s face to know they would be once again at odds.

“No, no, no, Iris – no! I didn’t mean _that_.” Barry plead hopelessly clambering to take control of worms spilling out of the can he had unwittingly opened.  

“He’d hate me! My dad would hate me. Oh God what was I thinking!” Iris shouted horrified at the prospect of facing her father. Barry ran across toward her but before he could even speak, she was shoving him out the way and trying to flee for the exit. “You need to go Barry. Thank you for coming but please go.”

She could barely look at him as she held the door open.

Barry blinked in disbelief.

_This can not be how it ends._

“Iris please.” Barry whispered gently, afraid to spook her again. “You can’t just expect me to go, I love you and I want us to be toge – ”

His plea was cut off by the violent slamming of the door. Before he could react to this surprising stay of execution, Iris surprised him further by unexpectedly storming across the room. Angry sobbing and emotional, she made a clear purposeful effort not to look him in the eye and Barry stood there as still and as confused as possible as she began patting down his body. 

“Where is it?” She demanded, pulling at his shirt before a moment later pulling out of his pocket the item she had been searching for. It was Barry’s phone and pressing it hard against his chest, Iris asked the question he knew was coming. 

“Did you call him? Did you huh?”

“Iris –”  Barry was finding it difficult to speak, unable to admit what he suspected she already knew just from the look of regret on his face. “Barry, no. No. Just no. He asked you to call him Barry!” She looked so hurt by his actions. “The man who raised you asked you to call him and you didn’t.”

Barry shrugged pathetically.

“I was going to but I needed to come here first.” It sounded every bit as disingenuous as Barry knew it was. He opted to try and change the subject. “She showed you my status didn’t she? Linda did. So you know how serious I am about us and making this work fo –“

Barry was once again interrupted by a loud sound he hadn’t expected, Iris’s ironic cackle.

“Yeah not but  _Call-Your-Dad-Back_ serious.”  

The words stung and Barry couldn’t hide his hurt. There was a look of steel in Iris’s eyes, determined to remain unmoved by anything he said or did and Barry couldn’t help but wonder if this was in fact the end he had feared.

She was staring him down, silent except for quiet, enraged breaths.

“You have no plan Barry.” She whispered. “Just admit it.”

Barry throat burned as he found himself frozen and unable to respond. She gave him plenty of time before her patience ran out as Barry continued to struggle to form any words. 

“Admit it!” Iris demanded, angrily pounding at Barry’s chest with his phone. Fierce eyed, frustrated and furious she refused to accept his silence. But Barry did nothing to stop her or answer her, for all of his inadequacies, deep down he knew he had no more words to offer. Not without pushing her further and further away from him. 

Tired and never determined to do any real damage with her hands, Iris stopped asking, handed over Barry’s phone and let arms drop to her sides. 

She let out a sigh. “Why won’t you just tell me what’s going to happen next? Huh?” 

Barry smiled weakly.

“You know why.” He whispered back. A painful look spread over Iris’s face and Barry responded with one of his own. It said:  _Only you can do whatever it is you want to Iris._

And she did. 

When Iris West leaned over to kiss him, Barry’s arms were all over her in an instance, clinging onto her for dear life. On her tiptoes, lips still latched onto his, Iris began tearing at Barry’s clothes. There was nothing gentle about their reconciliation and Barry could feel a strange mix of dissatisfaction and desire radiating from her body. 

She was insisting for _more._  

She needed  _more,_ from him and in every sense of the word. 

So instead of promises, platitudes and plans, Barry gave her a taste of all that he held pent up inside of him since the day they had parted. 

In return, Iris angrily push into him. Teeth, tongue and tortured thoughts about the time they wasted arguing forcing them off balance and causing them to almost collapse under the weight of it all. 

You owe me better than this, Iris’s body cried as he kissed every inch of her face and Barry knew it. He hoped to make love instead of demands and yet here they were doing both. Him, trying to move and work faster than her, as if the answers lay deep inside, between her legs and he had to get there to prove it. Her, grabbing on tightly and blocking him with her own search for the truth.

He had refused to write out the rest of their lives for them or give her the answers to questions she should be the only one answer. Still, Barry knew he needed to be with her in every way the day she finally did figure it out.

And from the way Iris moved, she needed that day to be today. 

Shirtless and now completely unzipped, Barry lifted Iris’s dress off her shoulder, hoping to exposing her as she had exposed him. It was a struggle as she ushered him backwards toward the bed, her naked breasts continuing to push up against him, her hands confidently on his crotch and her mouth on his, sacrificing all air for the simple taste of his lips. Afraid to detach and to be once again all alone, Barry lifted Iris off her feet and in one sweeping motion, they fell back onto her small bed. 

They dropped down together with a loud thud.

The rough landing had a sobering effect. An awkward headbutt caused Iris to flinch and Barry to pause and examine her until he was just silently sweeping away strands of wild hair that clung to a beautifully flushed face that had been kissed until wet. Once in full view, he couldn’t help but stare into those brown eyes above him for what felt like almost an eternity, a time during which their breathing slowed almost to a halt yet the pounding in their chests remaining unchanged.

Iris no longer looked confused, just curious before taking the initiative once more and resuming their kiss. It began as a slower more tender one, both of them taking their time longing to become fully reacquainted with something so perfect but had been lost to them for far too long. Barry held Iris down, pressing his naked body up against her with growing desperation, until the build up of heat had Iris’s fingers digging into his shoulders.  

Finally, her thighs unclasped. There it was, Iris’s invitation, sober and certain. 

And wasting not a second to respond, Barry lovingly answered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is one more part left (written from Iris’s perspective). I know I suck but I had my reasons and I now finally know that I can’t apologize for that (anyone wants to know what those are can read it at my tumblr). This is for those of you still around and wanting to know how the story ends because I do owe you guys an ending.


End file.
